Sometimes I forget that I’m still a first time parent. I feel like I’ve been a Mum for a while, its not all shiny and new and I should just know the answers by now. I mean you get all that when you have a new born, that feeling of not knowing what you’re doing, not knowing how to hold them without their head falling off. Unsure of the normal temperature, the normal colour of poo, the normal amount of crying. You’re supposed to not know when they are new and you are new at being a parent, its expected, its accepted. Its ok to hold your hands up and say ‘Sorry I’m new at this, I don’t really know what I’m doing!’. 

Trouble is, I’m not really sure I can do that now my first baby is a new toddler. I mean I’m more confident with my parenting skills than I was in those first few months, his needs are easier to read, mostly because they are being screamed at me from across the supermarket. I can assess the right temperature because I’ve realised that its either just too fucking hot or too fucking cold, it doesn’t matter if you’re nine months old or ninety. I don’t worry about the colour of poo, I no longer phone my Mum about it. Two and half years in, I’ve seen it all or at least please God, I hope I have. Its been on my hands, in my hair, on the carpet, there’s nothing in the poo department that can worry me now. We’ve kept him alive and reasonably well behaved, we used to congratulate ourselves on what a ‘good baby’ he was.

Then three weeks ago, he held me hostage in Superdrug.


We were passing by on our way back from a play centre, I was feeling pretty smug, I’d run him ragged with slides and ball pits. I was already planning my catch up TV during afternoon nap time. One minute he was holding my hand and the next he was off. Straight into the shop, right to the back end. The first mistake I made was to run after him, because of course he thought that was bloody hilarious. The second mistake was to think I could actually catch him. I couldn’t get near him, he’s so fast. I started to panic about losing sight of him. My old trusty “I’m going to count to three,   1…, 2 …. 3…”   didn’t have any impact and I could feel everyone looking at me and my appallingly behaved child. I actually started to feel sick at this point, sick and incredibly embarrassed. This shop was a maze of aisles and people and I was terrified he was going to run outside or someone would take him. For a few minutes, I was completely helpless, red-faced and panic stricken.

I was of course, being utterly ridiculous.

I stopped chasing him and went and stood at the front of the shop by the door. He couldn’t see me and now it was his turn to panic. Within moments he appeared and I grabbed him by his coat sleeve. Cue an epic floor based tantrum and uncontrollable sobbing when he found out there would in fact, be no Smarties today. Going by the looks being thrown, I had already failed as a Mother by this point so this spectacular scene didn’t bother me. I just stood and watched. Then we carried on home as if nothing had ever happened.

We are knee deep in the terrible twos people and its not survival of the fittest, its survival of the smartest. Just when you think you’ve got this parent gig sorted, another ‘phase’ begins, its an endless cycle of hysteria, frustration, self doubt and fear. Sometimes I feel like I’m going into battle, waging war against my two year old. I’m not sure I’ll ever really know what I’m doing.

Still, look at that face though…

When Your Toddler Holds You Hostage In Superdrug
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60 thoughts on “When Your Toddler Holds You Hostage In Superdrug

  • February 10, 2016 at 1:58 pm
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    I found it useful to keep cute pictures like this handy to remind yourself they aren't monsters ALL the time

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  • February 10, 2016 at 1:58 pm
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    I found it useful to keep cute pictures like this handy to remind yourself they aren't monsters ALL the time

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  • February 10, 2016 at 5:20 pm
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    “Survival of the smartest” – so true. Let's hope the next phase is more fun!

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  • February 10, 2016 at 5:20 pm
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    “Survival of the smartest” – so true. Let's hope the next phase is more fun!

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  • February 10, 2016 at 9:29 pm
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    It goes from one phase to another. I remember the tantrum so well and now I have a 9 year old and quite simply it's back to square one. I know not what, how or why. Or maybe it's me that's the problem! I think from this age onwards it's going to be a case of hiding and nothing. So cute when they are sleeping #MMWBH

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  • February 10, 2016 at 9:29 pm
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    It goes from one phase to another. I remember the tantrum so well and now I have a 9 year old and quite simply it's back to square one. I know not what, how or why. Or maybe it's me that's the problem! I think from this age onwards it's going to be a case of hiding and nothing. So cute when they are sleeping #MMWBH

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  • February 11, 2016 at 12:08 pm
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    Aren't two year olds a joy!;-) I have a four and a two year old so I feel your pain, especially since my four year old has global delay so for its like having two two year olds. Very stressful.

    #BrilliantBlogPosts

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  • February 11, 2016 at 12:08 pm
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    Aren't two year olds a joy!;-) I have a four and a two year old so I feel your pain, especially since my four year old has global delay so for its like having two two year olds. Very stressful.

    #BrilliantBlogPosts

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  • February 11, 2016 at 12:08 pm
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    Aren't two year olds a joy!;-) I have a four and a two year old so I feel your pain, especially since my four year old has global delay so for its like having two two year olds. Very stressful.

    #BrilliantBlogPosts

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  • February 11, 2016 at 12:08 pm
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    Aren't two year olds a joy!;-) I have a four and a two year old so I feel your pain, especially since my four year old has global delay so for its like having two two year olds. Very stressful.

    #BrilliantBlogPosts

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  • February 11, 2016 at 8:38 pm
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    OH NO! Do we live near each other ha ha!?!? Literally we were in our Superdrug store a couple of weeks ago and their was a little boy having an epic tantrum at the tills, Evie(3) decided to exclaim quite loudly 'THAT BOY IS SO LOUD MUMMY, ITS NAUGHTY SCREAMING ISNT IT' the Mum looked at me horrified as though I was about to judge..my reply to Evie? 'Well it was you in that position at least 3 times already this week soooo let not be unkind hey!' The mama looked at me and smiled, Evie looked at me and frowned…the boy? Well he heard Evie call him naughty and got up a though nothing had happened and muttered 'that girl called me naughty Mummy, that is not nice is it'…then they both scowled and stared each other down as we parted ways!!

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  • February 11, 2016 at 8:38 pm
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    OH NO! Do we live near each other ha ha!?!? Literally we were in our Superdrug store a couple of weeks ago and their was a little boy having an epic tantrum at the tills, Evie(3) decided to exclaim quite loudly 'THAT BOY IS SO LOUD MUMMY, ITS NAUGHTY SCREAMING ISNT IT' the Mum looked at me horrified as though I was about to judge..my reply to Evie? 'Well it was you in that position at least 3 times already this week soooo let not be unkind hey!' The mama looked at me and smiled, Evie looked at me and frowned…the boy? Well he heard Evie call him naughty and got up a though nothing had happened and muttered 'that girl called me naughty Mummy, that is not nice is it'…then they both scowled and stared each other down as we parted ways!!

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  • February 12, 2016 at 3:24 am
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    Haha no that's not us but glad to hear I'm not the only one! Finley loves to comment on other people's naughtiness as well – adults and children. I suppose he is an expert on the subject but hardly worthy to be passing judgment! X

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  • February 12, 2016 at 3:24 am
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    Haha no that's not us but glad to hear I'm not the only one! Finley loves to comment on other people's naughtiness as well – adults and children. I suppose he is an expert on the subject but hardly worthy to be passing judgment! X

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  • February 12, 2016 at 9:53 am
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    Haha, glad it's not just me. Next stop threenager, which is what I am in the midst of at the moment. Oh the joy 😉 #fabfriday

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  • February 12, 2016 at 9:53 am
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    Haha, glad it's not just me. Next stop threenager, which is what I am in the midst of at the moment. Oh the joy 😉 #fabfriday

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  • February 12, 2016 at 10:54 am
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    Kids are great! 😉 I refused to buy my kids magazines the other day (as I didn't have a spare £12!!) this caused much upset and foot stamping. Gotta love em. #FabFridayPost

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  • February 12, 2016 at 10:54 am
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    Kids are great! 😉 I refused to buy my kids magazines the other day (as I didn't have a spare £12!!) this caused much upset and foot stamping. Gotta love em. #FabFridayPost

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  • February 12, 2016 at 11:48 am
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    trust me we never stop learning, my eldest is nearly 12 and there are new parenting things I have to learn constantly! Just go with it and keep looking at that cute face! Enjoy it, it's all we can do, that a a wine or a great coffee. #fabfriday

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  • February 12, 2016 at 11:48 am
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    trust me we never stop learning, my eldest is nearly 12 and there are new parenting things I have to learn constantly! Just go with it and keep looking at that cute face! Enjoy it, it's all we can do, that a a wine or a great coffee. #fabfriday

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  • February 12, 2016 at 1:50 pm
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    I totally feel for you. My eldest did the same in a shop the other day. A hilarious game for them of course, not so much us. I also received the disgusted looks from the other judgey shoppers, sometimes I feel like telling them to join in on the fun and help me catch him. Instead I just do my best impression of Mo Farrar without the Quorn. All is made worse by the fact I have his baby brother in his pushchair who has to come along for the ride. On the upside it's excercise in replacement of the gym membership I haven't had chance to use since October. He's going to be turning three next week and I'm waiting for that threenager stage to kick in. Noooooooo! All good fun �� But all that said, we love them and their cute little faces regardless of their cheeky little escapades. Great read and I hope he doesn't make a habit of it for you or I'll have to get one of my remote controls sent your way �� Gem x #fabfridaypost

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  • February 12, 2016 at 1:50 pm
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    I totally feel for you. My eldest did the same in a shop the other day. A hilarious game for them of course, not so much us. I also received the disgusted looks from the other judgey shoppers, sometimes I feel like telling them to join in on the fun and help me catch him. Instead I just do my best impression of Mo Farrar without the Quorn. All is made worse by the fact I have his baby brother in his pushchair who has to come along for the ride. On the upside it's excercise in replacement of the gym membership I haven't had chance to use since October. He's going to be turning three next week and I'm waiting for that threenager stage to kick in. Noooooooo! All good fun �� But all that said, we love them and their cute little faces regardless of their cheeky little escapades. Great read and I hope he doesn't make a habit of it for you or I'll have to get one of my remote controls sent your way �� Gem x #fabfridaypost

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  • February 12, 2016 at 2:02 pm
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    The learning curve is steep…and never-ending. Like you said, just when you think you've mastered one phase they move into the next one, lol. Keep your chin up, your sense of humour in tact and enjoy the ride. And for all those scowlers out there…meh to them;-) x #FabFridayPost

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  • February 12, 2016 at 2:02 pm
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    The learning curve is steep…and never-ending. Like you said, just when you think you've mastered one phase they move into the next one, lol. Keep your chin up, your sense of humour in tact and enjoy the ride. And for all those scowlers out there…meh to them;-) x #FabFridayPost

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  • February 12, 2016 at 4:05 pm
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    Well we can all say you had an awesome day! Lol! Honestly my kids don't do this because I don't feed the behavior. Just like you realized you needed to be the child rather than the parent and stand where he couldn't see you. My first reaction would have been me following him calmly and slowly with sentences like “come back here” and “okay I am leaving”. Then I would have disappeared and stood by the entrance and exit like you ended up doing. I kid you not it takes my kids less than 5 seconds to get it together. It also helps to let them explore on their first with you following closely behind because it's an exciting place for a child so small to run and explore. Just say ok mama is going to let you look around but afterwards mama has to finish shopping. It always helps me with my almost 2 year old daughter who gets really excited when we go shopping. She usually stays close by while shopping. The more stress they can pull from you the more they think they can pull so woosah mama and have yourself a laugh. Plus it's just the beginning!! Trust me I have four kiddos and it only gets more exciting!! Lol haha

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  • February 12, 2016 at 4:05 pm
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    Well we can all say you had an awesome day! Lol! Honestly my kids don't do this because I don't feed the behavior. Just like you realized you needed to be the child rather than the parent and stand where he couldn't see you. My first reaction would have been me following him calmly and slowly with sentences like “come back here” and “okay I am leaving”. Then I would have disappeared and stood by the entrance and exit like you ended up doing. I kid you not it takes my kids less than 5 seconds to get it together. It also helps to let them explore on their first with you following closely behind because it's an exciting place for a child so small to run and explore. Just say ok mama is going to let you look around but afterwards mama has to finish shopping. It always helps me with my almost 2 year old daughter who gets really excited when we go shopping. She usually stays close by while shopping. The more stress they can pull from you the more they think they can pull so woosah mama and have yourself a laugh. Plus it's just the beginning!! Trust me I have four kiddos and it only gets more exciting!! Lol haha

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  • February 12, 2016 at 4:06 pm
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    We haven't reached this stage yet but Marianna already has an explosive baby temper! My mum says she would just ignore us and carry on, but I don't know if I'll be strong enough! 🙂 x #fabfridaypost

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  • February 12, 2016 at 4:06 pm
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    We haven't reached this stage yet but Marianna already has an explosive baby temper! My mum says she would just ignore us and carry on, but I don't know if I'll be strong enough! 🙂 x #fabfridaypost

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  • February 12, 2016 at 4:11 pm
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    Oh no this sounds mortifying! Why is it that toddlers are built to run so fast that only other toddlers can catch them 🙂 #effitfriday
    Debbie

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  • February 12, 2016 at 4:11 pm
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    Oh no this sounds mortifying! Why is it that toddlers are built to run so fast that only other toddlers can catch them 🙂 #effitfriday
    Debbie

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  • February 12, 2016 at 4:34 pm
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    *whispers* after the twos comes the threenager years and they are a delight……

    I do the chasing that he thinks is hilarious, the problem I have is where he likes to run off has two doors each end leading to a carpark.

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  • February 12, 2016 at 4:34 pm
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    *whispers* after the twos comes the threenager years and they are a delight……

    I do the chasing that he thinks is hilarious, the problem I have is where he likes to run off has two doors each end leading to a carpark.

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  • February 12, 2016 at 7:29 pm
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    Been there done that! Now, as soon as my two boys here “Okay, I'm leaving” they know they better catch up or get left in the store. Of course, I wouldn't really leave them. But I do walk away headed for the door/exit. As long as they think I'll leave them I'm good. As soon as they call my bluff my game is over. I find threes are even more troubling than twos! Good luck!

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  • February 12, 2016 at 7:29 pm
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    Been there done that! Now, as soon as my two boys here “Okay, I'm leaving” they know they better catch up or get left in the store. Of course, I wouldn't really leave them. But I do walk away headed for the door/exit. As long as they think I'll leave them I'm good. As soon as they call my bluff my game is over. I find threes are even more troubling than twos! Good luck!

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  • February 12, 2016 at 8:14 pm
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    I have a 3yr old and a 3mth old. My 3yr old is a delight at home but can be a nightmare when we're out. I don't think anyone believes me when I say “she's good as gold at home!”

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  • February 12, 2016 at 8:14 pm
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    I have a 3yr old and a 3mth old. My 3yr old is a delight at home but can be a nightmare when we're out. I don't think anyone believes me when I say “she's good as gold at home!”

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  • February 12, 2016 at 8:27 pm
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    I feel your pain! Mine is only 18 months so not quite at the terrible twos stage, but already he is making his presence known by throwing things at people and at the television. Today, a fairly typical day in Piglet's world, he threw a snack at a random person in a cafe and several toys at the television, including an enormous and very heavy aeroplane that would undoubtedly have caused maximum damage if he hadn't missed his target slightly. I usually have to wrestle him to the floor just to get his coat on whenever we go anywhere, and that's before I try to get him in the pushchair. #FabFridayPost

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  • February 12, 2016 at 8:27 pm
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    I feel your pain! Mine is only 18 months so not quite at the terrible twos stage, but already he is making his presence known by throwing things at people and at the television. Today, a fairly typical day in Piglet's world, he threw a snack at a random person in a cafe and several toys at the television, including an enormous and very heavy aeroplane that would undoubtedly have caused maximum damage if he hadn't missed his target slightly. I usually have to wrestle him to the floor just to get his coat on whenever we go anywhere, and that's before I try to get him in the pushchair. #FabFridayPost

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  • February 12, 2016 at 8:48 pm
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    Oh no, I fear my 20 month old is just starting on the tantrum front. Think my nearly 4 year old is only just leaving it behind, not sure I'm ready to start it all again! Bring on the wine x #FabFridaypost

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  • February 12, 2016 at 8:48 pm
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    Oh no, I fear my 20 month old is just starting on the tantrum front. Think my nearly 4 year old is only just leaving it behind, not sure I'm ready to start it all again! Bring on the wine x #FabFridaypost

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  • February 13, 2016 at 7:28 am
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    I have never really thought about this before but you are so right. When they are little people expect you to not know what you are doing. Whereas toddlerhood just brings judgey-pants people who like to tut and make you feel even smaller than you already feel. Lol at phoning your mum, glad I wasn't the only one to do that, when I first gave my twins raisins I was so scared they would choke I made my mum stay on FaceTime just in case. Quite what she would have done if something had happened I don't know, it made me feel better though ha ha! No matter what though you can't help being utterly in love with them, particularly when they are sleeping 🙂 xxx #effitfriday.

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  • February 13, 2016 at 7:28 am
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    I have never really thought about this before but you are so right. When they are little people expect you to not know what you are doing. Whereas toddlerhood just brings judgey-pants people who like to tut and make you feel even smaller than you already feel. Lol at phoning your mum, glad I wasn't the only one to do that, when I first gave my twins raisins I was so scared they would choke I made my mum stay on FaceTime just in case. Quite what she would have done if something had happened I don't know, it made me feel better though ha ha! No matter what though you can't help being utterly in love with them, particularly when they are sleeping 🙂 xxx #effitfriday.

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  • February 14, 2016 at 11:35 pm
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    I like your style: I just stood and watched. A classic technique to clam down the situation. Never fail. 🙂 xx

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  • February 14, 2016 at 11:35 pm
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    I like your style: I just stood and watched. A classic technique to clam down the situation. Never fail. 🙂 xx

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  • February 16, 2016 at 9:43 pm
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    Oh the joys of toddlers eh! My toddler used to be so bad {and can still be at the age of three} that I just couldn't bring myself to leave the house with her, lol! Thanks so much for linking up with #MadMidWeek

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  • February 16, 2016 at 9:43 pm
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    Oh the joys of toddlers eh! My toddler used to be so bad {and can still be at the age of three} that I just couldn't bring myself to leave the house with her, lol! Thanks so much for linking up with #MadMidWeek

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  • February 17, 2016 at 11:38 pm
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    Oh bless you, mine are 10 (on friday) and 11 and I still remember the 2s and 3s well with my eldest… if I hadn't had his brother when he was 19 months old the poor boy wouldn't have existed ha! It does get easier though, and it's one of those stories you can embarrass them with when they're older 😉

    Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix

    Stevie x

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  • February 17, 2016 at 11:38 pm
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    Oh bless you, mine are 10 (on friday) and 11 and I still remember the 2s and 3s well with my eldest… if I hadn't had his brother when he was 19 months old the poor boy wouldn't have existed ha! It does get easier though, and it's one of those stories you can embarrass them with when they're older 😉

    Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix

    Stevie x

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  • February 18, 2016 at 7:57 pm
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    Oh god reading this brings back memories of mine doing this! Tantrums can be awful sounds like you coped really well! Ava is already having them at 16 months so the 2's aren't looking good! Thanks for linking to #PickNMix x

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  • February 18, 2016 at 7:57 pm
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    Oh god reading this brings back memories of mine doing this! Tantrums can be awful sounds like you coped really well! Ava is already having them at 16 months so the 2's aren't looking good! Thanks for linking to #PickNMix x

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  • March 17, 2016 at 7:23 am
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    I hear you. I feel your pain. I too am knee deep in terrible two's at the moment. My twoligan loves a floor based tantrum on the regular, the more people around to watch, the better for him. Loves an audience that one. I think you coped brilliantly and also gave me a couple of tips too so thanks for that! #STAYCLASSY

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  • March 18, 2016 at 9:41 am
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    Oh man, I’m scared haha! Mine is still very young, so looking forward to the wonderful 2 year mark. : ) Besides the bone-wrenching fear of losing your child, this post made me laugh…although I don’t think it was supposed to! Great tactic standing at the front door, going to steal this for later. …..now, how do I outsmart a 3 month old from sleeping on me? ; ) Thanks for linking up with #StayClassy

    Reply

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