Its easy to feel like a bit of fraud when I write pieces for this blog. I spend a lot of time, literally hours editing, coming up with punchy titles, sorting photos, managing my profanity word count. Most of it is spent writing, writing, writing.

But I am not a writer.

Apart from this blog, I have never written anything in my life.

As a matter of fact, that is not true. I once wrote a poem for school about a clock, that was published in a childrens book of poems. It was very short and went something like ‘Tick tock, goes the clock. Tick tock, goes the clock. Tick tock, until it stops.’. It was actually about death but no one else seemed to get that and it was published along with all the other poems about flowers and space and whatever normal ten year olds think about. I mostly thought about death when I was ten years old, so that explains that then…

I also, whilst we’re being honest got A grade’s for my English Language and Literature GCSE’s. So its not as if I don’t know how to write, its just I’m not a writer. I bloody hated English, Lit in particular, I just could never ‘get it’ like everyone else seemed to. I couldn’t understand poems, I couldn’t independently translate them into their deeper meaning. I’d frantically scribble the correct answers in the margin so I could memorise them later, all the while wondering what in the name of fuck it was all this about. I got that A grade from remembering the right answers, revising the correct response. Text book, black and white that’s how I do things. I never liked the books we were assigned to read either, I took others from the library and swapped the jackets over so I could read The Bell Jar or a Lord of the Rings instead of Of Mice and Men. Saw that ending coming from a mile off. I bloody hated Shakespeare too. It’s too much hard work, I don’t want to work to be entertained.

So I’m definitely not a writer but I suppose I could state with some conviction that I am now a blogger. Whether I’m a good blogger or not is constantly up for review of course. By me mostly. I go from one week thinking that this blog is awesome and I’m fucking hilarious. To the next week, where I cringe at what I’ve published and consider jacking it all in. It causes me a lot of stress to be honest, worrying if I’ve gone too far or haven’t actually gone far enough. I write a lot of things that literally put me out there, just asking to be judged. Its terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time.

Most of the really good blogs and I’m not talking about stats here, I’m talking about quality content that you are falling over yourself to read are written by real actual writers. People with journalist and media backgrounds, people with a natural talent. People who plan and co-ordinate and write for a living.

I don’t ever plan what I’m going to write. Ever. All my posts pop into my head at three o’clock in the morning or when I’m driving home from work. It starts as some kind of internal dialogue in my head, that I have to quickly jot down the gist of before its forgotten forever. That first paragraph about the death poem was how this post begun. That was in the early hours, I had to send myself a text message with the words ‘Writer / blogger / fraud, published poem, death obsession’, so I could go back to sleep. A real writer would have probably got up out of bed and produced a masterpiece within the hour.
For me a weird text message reminder will suffice.

I am not a writer.

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Pretending I’m A Writer

28 thoughts on “Pretending I’m A Writer

  • March 16, 2016 at 1:17 pm
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    Hah! I can relate when you say you swing from thinking you love blogging and then the next week thinking “What the hell am I doing?” and thinking it's all a waste of time. Ultimately I keep going because I like the creative outlet, even if sometimes I do think “Why on earth did I write that?” Like you, blog concepts often pop into my head at the worst time and my phone has hundreds of notes from where I've frantically scribbled down ideas. x #MMWBH

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  • March 16, 2016 at 1:36 pm
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    I'm not a writer either – I just put my thoughts and my heart out there into the blogosphere and hope I can connect with others who aren't writers either 🙂 I find that those who share their soul and are honest are often more interesting to read than any “professional” writer who has a blog.

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  • March 18, 2016 at 7:33 am
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    I don’t know why I find the write-up funny (and yes, I think you’re a great writer..lol)

    We do not have to conform to the world idea / ideals of a ‘writer’…in our own ways, we write in all our blogging..and we are good at it. *high five*

    I loved English, literature and history while in school but ended up in sciences! I can definitely relate with the ‘Shakespearean horrors’ in any case.

    Loving you from #PoCoLo linkup.

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  • March 18, 2016 at 7:34 am
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    I don’t know why I find the write-up funny (and yes, I think you’re a great writer..lol)

    We do not have to conform to the world idea / ideals of a ‘writer’…in our own ways, we write in all our blogging..and we are good at it. *high five*

    I loved English, literature and history while in school but ended up in sciences! I can definitely relate with the ‘Shakespearean horrors’ in any case.

    Loving you from #PoCoLo linkup.

    Abiola
    http://www.biolaleye.com

    Reply
  • March 18, 2016 at 7:49 am
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    The evidence here suggests otherwise!

    There was an article doing the rounds a while ago where students wrote to various writers asking them about meanings and techniques etc. only to get baffled responses from the writers along the lines of “huh? I hadn’t planned it / thought about it that way!”

    #effitfriday

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  • March 18, 2016 at 9:46 am
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    I, sadly, have note books all over the place with a quickly scribbled sentence that, I thought at the time, was inspired. If I had to join all of these random sentences together I’m sure it would make a great blog, lol. Writer or no writer, we are doing what we love! Great post. #fabfridaypost

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  • March 18, 2016 at 12:40 pm
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    You are putting words down in a structured manner for other people to consume. Sounds like writing to me

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  • March 18, 2016 at 1:03 pm
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    I’m exactly the same – I hated English at school, yet write blog posts everyday and have never written as much as I do now! Yet, like you, I don’t consider myself as a writer. That doesn’t mean people can’t enjoy what we write though 🙂 #picknmix

    Helen x

    http://treasureeverymoment01.blogspot.co.uk/

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  • March 18, 2016 at 2:08 pm
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    That clock poem is amazing! I think that blogging really is not knowing how to be a writer writer but just having something to say and sharing and somebody getting it.

    Saying that though I wish I can write better to get more readers haha. Some of the bloggers that I am reading are just really amazign with words. i wish I have that gift!

    #pocolo

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  • March 18, 2016 at 3:00 pm
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    I am a ‘real’ writer but definitely don’t leap out of bed to bash out a post in the middle of the night! I also message myself with random key words & phrases! #effitfriday

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  • March 18, 2016 at 3:31 pm
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    I hate to argue with you but you are a writer. Your words bring ideas to life! I thought I was the only person who texts myself random stuff for later, glad to find someone else who does it too 🙂 #effitfriday
    Debbie

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  • March 18, 2016 at 3:33 pm
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    You certainly write like a writer, and a good one at that!!! Popping in from #effitfriday x

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  • March 18, 2016 at 4:55 pm
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    I am sorry but I begged the defer. You are one of the most intellect writer out there – there is no doubt about it. You ask questions, you pushes boundaries, and you truly believe in what you write. These – to me are the qualities of a great writer. To me, the word ‘blogger’ in the ‘blogging’ world is used in such a variety of ways – you can not bracket yourself in a box – that is what blogging is all about. We as bloggers are there to spread the thoughts, the words, to inspire and aspired others. To me – you are a writer – there is no doubt about it. Xx

    Thank you Sarah for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost

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    • March 20, 2016 at 6:50 am
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      Su you are so kind thank you. I’m not sure I’m that good but it’s all good fun isn’t it?! It’s like having your own online magazine and you can pretty much write and post whatever you like xxx

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  • March 18, 2016 at 7:25 pm
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    If you love to write, you’re a writer. Everyone has a different process – some people plan way in advance with outlines and calendars, and others (like you and me) just kind of do it when we get an idea. There’s no right or wrong way to do it – go with whatever works and feels natural to you! #effitfriday

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  • March 18, 2016 at 8:48 pm
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    Well you certainly do a good job of faking it, go girl! Your writing is really good and so enjoyable to read. Its the first time I’m seen your blog and I’m definitely coming back!

    Mainy

    #picknmix

    http://www.myrealfairy.com

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  • March 19, 2016 at 4:15 pm
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    hahaha I adore this post and completely and wholeheartedly share this sentiment. About myself obviously, not you… that would be rude! 😉

    I was also all about the death when I was younger. My GCSE English language fiction was about three best friends who all do each other in. I think I was projecting.

    I think I might also be rambling right now.

    Last point – how have I never seen your blog before?? Just discovered on #PoCoLo and I bloody love it.

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  • March 21, 2016 at 7:40 pm
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    I actually feel this way about my own blog. I am not a writer, but I do enjoy writing.

    Now enough about me, let’s talk about you. Whatever, you want to call it – writing, blogging, or stringing words together – it is very entertaining and I have enjoyed reading it. I would imagine I am not the only one thoroughly entertained by your non-writer writing. I would dare say you might just be a natural with this whole blogging/writing/humor thing. But that is just my two cents. Thanks for sharing your talent with the #FabFridayPost 🙂

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  • March 21, 2016 at 7:59 pm
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    I loved English at school and college, but not always the books they made us read…. ever read ‘A Dolls House’ by Henrik Ibsen? WORST book I have ever been forced to read, and all I can remember about it is the film we watched and some weird woman obsessed with macaroons…. the class next door got Lord of the Flies – still smarting at that injustice 😉

    Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix

    Stevie x

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  • March 22, 2016 at 6:03 am
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    I’m not a writer either, I am a brain dumper with the verbal sh*ts who has too much to say about things that my husband doesn’t always want to hear on repeat (sleep obsession…)

    I love the text!

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  • March 25, 2016 at 2:29 pm
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    I’m sorry to say this hun but you ARE a writer. If you love to write and do so regularly you are a writer, regardless of what form that writing takes.

    I love reading your posts, they’re entertaining and give me a little glimpse into what kind of person you are. I can tell you love to write your posts. You totally deserve to be called a writer and should start considering yourself just that!!!

    Thanks so much for linking to #PoCoLo

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  • April 8, 2016 at 11:18 am
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    I feel the same way too. But regardless of that I write away. To the world I may not be a writer but to me I am the greatest writer in the whole world 🙂 Keep it up – Loved your post.

    Reply

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