This, magnified is how I used to feel every day, all the time.
I know why this is happening, there is a lot going on in our little world. We are working, we have commitments, and there are birthdays and MOTs coming up. Colleagues are going on holidays and I have to hold the fort for a bit, we are mid-way through selling our house, I have a parcel to pick up, my husband is working this weekend. I need to get a prescription in this week, I need to buy nappies on my lunch break, there’s a washing pile as tall as me and the traffic is horrendous.
Sometimes I worry that my anxiety is going to come back.
But then I remember that it never actually went away. It didn’t go, I didn’t get cured. There wasn’t some magical moment that made me all better.
It just got side-lined. I got busy, pre-occupied, I got less stressed. I got happier and I crawled out of my head a bit.
And without realising it I started to do things out of my comfort zone.
I grew a human being, I had an emergency C-Section, I got my baby to sleep through the night. I moved house.
And I like this person. This person lets herself have a good time. This person’s world is wider. This person isn’t restricted by the limits she’s imposed on herself. This person is happy.
So I know I’m feeling jumpy this week but I know it will pass.
I know it will, because I am in charge.
“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.” Amit Ray