When Finley was about nine months old, just before I was about to go back to work after maternity leave I had a funny five minutes. I fancied we could have another baby immediately. I fancied we could have five children. Five of the little buggers running around, a bit like The Waltons except not like that because it was 2014 and we lived in a very modern, very white apartment with high ceilings and a dishwasher.

I thought it could be fun to have a house full of kids, just letting them run riot whilst we’d be all jolly and poor and sexed up like Ma and Pop Larkin.

Why not adopt some? Let’s really go bat shit crazy on this one. There’s only so many C-sections you can have, lets Google adoption…

But that was just pre   my-cushty-maternity-leave-situation-is-about-to-end-and-I’ve-only-just-started-to-like-it   syndrome.

The jig was up, I had to go back to work and more kids were not the answer.

I knew this for a fact when one month before Finley’s first birthday we had a pregnancy scare. My period, which is normally as predictable as an American election  just didn’t show up. I had no substantial reason to think I could be pregnant but when your period is never late and I mean  NEVER. EVER. FUCKING. LATE  you do start to shit yourself at around the post four days mark.

I even took a Tesco’s pregnancy test on day five, which of course was negative and then I took another one every twelve hours for the next four days and started to get the nervous sweats. What the hell was my body up to? The more I convinced myself I could be pregnant, the more my body wanted to mind fuck me.

Ten days late my period showed up and I was literally ecstatic, like a miracle had occurred. I have never gloried in the marvel of the female menstruation so much. I was full of thanks and the joys of life, skipping around all blood soaked and fabulous.

No baby for me, woop dee fucking woop!

When Finley turned two, people started asking    “Isn’t it time for another one?”

No it bloody isn’t, you nosey bloody twat. What kind of question is that anyway? Are you asking if we want another one? If we are currently trying for another one? Are you suggesting I’m getting on a bit and ought to bash out another baby before my eggs dry up, my tits drop below my knees and I have to find solace in yoga and Eastenders?

Also just for the record – other peoples babies, don’t make me want more babies. Even if they are super-cute and the kind of ones that don’t vom on you. So you can stop wheeling them out and trying to get me to hold them or feed them. I mean, I’ll do it because I’m not entirely dead inside but babies have never been something I have particularly enjoyed, so they wont sway me. Move along.

Present me with a lunatic three year old, who wants to play ‘artal arts and karate chop the cat and we might have something to talk about.

Truth is, I don’t know if one child is enough and does that lend itself to the fact that one isn’t, because otherwise I wouldn’t be asking the question? Perhaps there are more children in our future or perhaps our little party of three is enough. Maybe we should invest in a spare to our heir. Perhaps I should try yoga. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps…

But either way I’m only thirty, my tits are doing just fine and it’s really none of your business.

“Isn’t it time for another baby?”

35 thoughts on ““Isn’t it time for another baby?”

  • November 13, 2016 at 6:54 pm
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    Absolutely amazing post. Can relate to it SO much! Who knows what life has planned..go with the flow. Xxxxxxxxx

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  • November 13, 2016 at 7:07 pm
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    Ahahaha!! Brilliant! Isn’t it time everyone just minded their own business? I might have another baby. But then I might win the lottery and I might need my head examining. Who knows? 😂😂 xx

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  • November 13, 2016 at 7:49 pm
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    Welcome to my world. As an only child that loves being an only child the ‘another child’ conversation makes my brain melt…but you’re right it would be easier if people stopped asking.

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  • November 13, 2016 at 8:13 pm
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    This did make me laugh! We had a bit of a scare on holiday and it would have been very unlikely for me to even be pregnant but already having 2 I was thinking SHIT THE EFFING BED. And it made me realise more than anything that I’m happy with my lot! It’s a very untrusted question when people ask about your next, I get asked it even now which I think is really odd! But… I do ask it myself too. You’ll always get asked it even of you do have another one it’s just us nosy buggers hoping to cuddle a newborn that we can hand back!

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  • November 17, 2016 at 9:49 am
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    YES! My post I have linked up may not help you want another one anytime soon…. Also I am so unbothered by other peoples babies. I don’t crave the smell or the cuddles… Just leave me alone. Toddlers are much more fun when they can actually talk, laugh and play actually games.
    #StayClassyMama

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  • November 17, 2016 at 10:13 am
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    So true. People love to make comments and pass judgement. They have no idea what is going on for you and why or why not you have or haven’t decided to have another baby! Annoying. #stayclassymama

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  • November 17, 2016 at 10:54 am
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    I know this feeling of wanting another one so well! But as you said, it’s just because I am soon to go back to work and fully enjoying my SAHM life!haha It’s such a personal choice, people always ask me if we will have another baby. We will see! #StayClassyMama

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  • November 17, 2016 at 11:18 am
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    It’s a dangerous question to ask someone, people should learn to leave well alone! Someone recently asked me if I was going to have a second, having divorced my husband, I told them I was missing a vital component to the baby making process haha. That shut them up! #stayclassymama

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    • November 18, 2016 at 7:57 am
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      This is a really good point and also maybe people are actually wanting another child but they can’t and people asking about it all the time just makes things harder!

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  • November 17, 2016 at 11:35 am
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    Hahaha love it! There’s also the other side of the coin, you might want another baby but be struggling to conceive. People should mind their own business! There’s always an expectation that something should Come next – when are you getting married? When are you buying a house? When are you having a baby? When’s the next baby coming? #stayclassymama

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  • November 17, 2016 at 11:59 am
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    Haha I love this! People will always ask when you’re having the next one. Even with five I am constantly asked if there is any sign of number six. I feel like asking have I not got enough? Did I not already fill my quota of re-populating the planet?? Some people are happy with one, some people want twenty. It’s nobody elses business! #stayclassymama

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  • November 17, 2016 at 12:15 pm
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    excellent! as someone with two children, i can heartily recommmend only having one! kidding – kinda. #stayclassymama

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  • November 17, 2016 at 12:53 pm
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    This made me giggle, I’m not baby mad either. In fact I don’t really like them that much, can I say that?!

    #StayClassyMama

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  • November 17, 2016 at 2:16 pm
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    There are some golden lines in this:

    “The more I convinced myself I could be pregnant, the more my body wanted to mind fuck me.”

    “Ten days late my period showed up and I was literally ecstatic, like a miracle had occurred. I have never gloried in the marvel of the female menstruation so much. I was full of thanks and the joys of life, skipping around all blood soaked and fabulous.”

    #StayClassyMama

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  • November 17, 2016 at 7:42 pm
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    I’m amazed people ask that. It’s so rude. You should say “No, we can’t!’ and burst into tears. That will shut them up. #Stayclassymama

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  • November 17, 2016 at 8:16 pm
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    I have three kids, two with additional needs, one grand child, am 35 and still people ask me if I’m having any more. Erm no. My hands are pretty full as it is thanks. Plus my tits are totally ruined lol.

    #stayclassymama

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  • November 17, 2016 at 8:46 pm
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    Could not agree more. Our daughter is about to turn three and the number of people that ask when/ if we’re having another is unbelievable. I feel like I should wear some sort of siren that will sound if/ when we choose to have unprotected sex just so everyone knows. #stayclassymama

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    • November 18, 2016 at 7:56 am
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      Haha! Thank god I’m not the only one!

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  • November 17, 2016 at 8:49 pm
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    Horay for you… now can I read this verbatim to every nosey Parker that asks me that question too?
    I normally ask them if they are going to provide me with free childcare if I pop another hippo out, funny they don’t seem so keen then.
    I have a 2 year old that also karate chops the cat and drags it round the slippy floor by its tail, kids! Who’d have them?!
    #stayclassymama

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  • November 18, 2016 at 9:13 am
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    It’s funny how some people think that anything involving pregnancy, parenting and the likes is just everyone’s business! What you want and if/when you want it is only you and your OH business. Saying that I know I want more than one, not yet though!!!, I’m thinking a good few years between. But I’ve too felt the moment of “arrgh my Maternity leave is almost up?!” Panic. Back to work it is! #stayclassymama

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  • November 18, 2016 at 9:15 am
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    I think the, “Are you going to have another one?”, question can be almost as rude as the, “Do you want children?”, when have none and have hit 30 and the, “So, are you going to try for a girl/boy?”, when you have two of the same gender. Back off and give me some space people! It was bad enough when you kept patting my bump! Like this post a lot. #StayClassyMama

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  • November 18, 2016 at 9:36 am
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    “Isn’t it time for you to mind you business!” WHY to people ask those questions, like we can be persuaded by others !
    Anyway, wonderful post, love the mar and pop larkin ref, ha ah ha! #stayclassymama

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  • November 18, 2016 at 12:39 pm
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    It’s no one else’s business how many kids you want to have. Maybe you’re done with one. Maybe you’ve tried for another and it hasn’t worked out. Maybe you’re not sure yet. Regardless, nosey cows can piss right off. #stayclassymama

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  • November 18, 2016 at 1:23 pm
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    Haha! My-cushty-maternity-leave-situation-is-about-to-end-and-I’ve-only-just-started-to-like-it syndrome! Nailed it! I had those same feelings but they passed. Then a year we made the decision with our heads! There’s never a right time but when you’re done, you know you’re done in my experience. We. Are. Done. 😉 #stayclassymamma

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  • November 18, 2016 at 8:42 pm
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    Heehee! Sometimes other people are so frigging rude and nosey aren’t they?! Your body, your choices!! We have a 10yr gap btw Twins and Bubs and now I often get asked whether the Twins are mine I.e have I married into step motherhood!! I must just look well young!! #stayclassymama

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  • November 19, 2016 at 2:58 am
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    Great post! People used to ask me all the time. We had had 2 and we were done. You can tell me how great it is we make cute babies, but we aren’t making any more. I detested the baby stage, especially with my first. You’re right babies are super cute and lovely but I don’t want to look after one again. We’re done, but really that’s no one’s business but our own!
    #StayClassyMama

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  • November 20, 2016 at 9:51 pm
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    Haha as the moment of on 5 year old I can totally relate to this. I’m afraid people don’t stop asking when they get to 5 either. Though after enough sarcastic answers some people do get the message 😉 #StayClassyMama

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  • November 21, 2016 at 4:17 am
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    I have never understood why people think it okay to ask those sorts of questions. #stayclassymama

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  • November 23, 2016 at 9:01 am
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    AMEN sista. You are so right. People need to calm down and shut up. Doesn’t matter if you have one, two or five, it shouldn’t be a question. I think it’s people who can’t come up with any other conversation and revert to these type of questions, it’s mind blowing. You really made me chuckle here, great post!

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  • December 17, 2016 at 12:03 pm
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    I have 2 and I still get this (my youngest is almost 9) – having 2 girls it’s always ‘are you going to try for a boy?’. Noooooooooo!!!!!!
    Enjoy your moments with your lovely little one xx

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  • January 16, 2017 at 9:26 pm
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    Love this post. I’m like you about babies. Don’t do them, although at least I now know how to hold them and communicate with them if one gets dumped on me.

    I only got asked by one person when we were getting on with number 2. At my mum’s wake by my great aunt. I wasn’t impressed, I can tell you that.

    I thought that if I did have kids we’d have 2, but we have 1, and he’s plenty. I’m not willing to give up my life totally, work, spare money, and put more stress on a marriage to have another one. Thankfully he has 6 cousins of various ages all living within 1.5 miles of us so he’s not really lonely.

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