George Osborne is literally taxing my vagina, and I voted for him, the bastard.
Maybe I should have voted Labour, in particular for Stella Creasy who addressed the Commons last week about vagina added tax and forced some old, pompous guys to say the terrible word ‘tampon’. She seems like the kind of girl I could get on well with, even if she doesn’t like Jaffa Cakes.
But anyway its too late for all that now, I’ve just got to carry on living in a country where my natural and involuntary biological body processes are deemed as cosmetic and optional.
It is after all, terribly extravagant of me to menstruate.
I suppose I could opt out of using tampons and sanitary towels. I do use them at my discretion, I’m not going to die if I stop using them am I? Tampax and Bodyform do not sustain my life force, unlike all the kangaroo kebabs I eat. Their zero rated and should be, I need that kangaroo meat to stay alive.
I should just stop using ‘ladies things’ and hide away for four to seven days every month. My boss will totally understand he can cover my work whilst I stay at home and bleed in shame.
I could always have another baby, that would stop those frivolous periods, at least for a little while. I mean I can’t afford another child and I don’t particularly want one right now but that’s hardly the point is it? The point is, once again I’ve failed as a women to get pregnant and now I have to pay the price. I’ve got to pay my Vagina Added Tax with all the other females because like an idiot, I went and got born with one.
If I started taking the contraceptive pill that would prevent or postpone my periods. It would also muck up my hormones and my other medications but I’ve just got to stop being so selfish and bloody opulent. I could be spending that tampon money on feeding my kid marshmallow tea cakes or playing games of chance.
I’ve got to get my priorities straight, just like George has. He knows that exotic meat and lottery tickets are more of a necessity than the prevention of all this womens nonsense. Why didn’t my tax payers education teach me important things like that? Its probably my Mothers fault, she’s got a vagina too.
Fed up with your vagina being taxed? You should sign this petition.