"I’ve also touched a couple of lambs during this pregnancy and guess what? Everyone involved has lived to tell the tale. What you cannot do is milk them or birth them or full on snog them. And for gods sake, just wash your hands afterwards like any normal person would."
"Let the girls cry and have a whinge. The boys can just smash shit up and fart on each other.
Except I don’t believe that and I don’t believe that you should protect your kids against their own emotions. Just because I feel bad, that he feels sad – doesn’t mean I should dismiss it or try to diminish it in some way."
"We can’t be having any divorces or domestic altercations, we now live in a terribly middle class village and are trying our utmost to fit in. And by fit in, I mean go completely unnoticed and not participate in anything. I just want to drink wine and wear pyjamas, I don’t give a shit about your running club, Susan."
"If you have a young child who regularly attends a Nursery or Pre-school or anything where small kids gather en-masse, you will know all about Germ-ageddon. The End Is Nigh, the Hand, Foot and Mouth is coming.
The Impertigo’s gonna get ya.
So God-speed and I’ll see you on the other side."
"I don’t do anything major, I don’t spend all day at a Spa. I don’t run for the hills or disappear into some drink and drugged fueled daze.
I just do whatever I feel like.
I’ve done the food shop, taken a nap, hung up curtains, had my eyebrows waxed. I’ve been to the cinema, I should have cleaned the oven but I didn’t. I’ve stayed home, in my PJ’s and watched an entire season of GIRLS in seven hours.
I write blog posts.
I went to the Mcdonalds drive thru with no bra on."
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