"I’ve also touched a couple of lambs during this pregnancy and guess what? Everyone involved has lived to tell the tale. What you cannot do is milk them or birth them or full on snog them. And for gods sake, just wash your hands afterwards like any normal person would."
"Let the girls cry and have a whinge. The boys can just smash shit up and fart on each other.
Except I don’t believe that and I don’t believe that you should protect your kids against their own emotions. Just because I feel bad, that he feels sad – doesn’t mean I should dismiss it or try to diminish it in some way."
"We can’t be having any divorces or domestic altercations, we now live in a terribly middle class village and are trying our utmost to fit in. And by fit in, I mean go completely unnoticed and not participate in anything. I just want to drink wine and wear pyjamas, I don’t give a shit about your running club, Susan."
"If you have a young child who regularly attends a Nursery or Pre-school or anything where small kids gather en-masse, you will know all about Germ-ageddon. The End Is Nigh, the Hand, Foot and Mouth is coming.
The Impertigo’s gonna get ya.
So God-speed and I’ll see you on the other side."
"I don’t do anything major, I don’t spend all day at a Spa. I don’t run for the hills or disappear into some drink and drugged fueled daze.
I just do whatever I feel like.
I’ve done the food shop, taken a nap, hung up curtains, had my eyebrows waxed. I’ve been to the cinema, I should have cleaned the oven but I didn’t. I’ve stayed home, in my PJ’s and watched an entire season of GIRLS in seven hours.
I write blog posts.
I went to the Mcdonalds drive thru with no bra on."
Dear Friend, Family Member, Elderly Neighbour, Members Of The Public and Numerous Asda Delivery Drivers, I know you weren’t quite expecting to see my breast today. To be fair, I wasn’t expecting you to either. I didn’t wake up this
I’m not going to lie, I was a little scared about the actual having of this baby. Even though I had, had a fairly straight forward C-Section before and even though I had ultimately opted to be in this situation.
The laziest thing I’ve ever done? Have a C-section! I’m having an elective C-section next week, it will be my second Cesarean – the first was an emergency. So call me a little over-sensitive (if you fucking dare at 38 weeks
So the last time I packed a hospital bag, it was all kitted out for a perfectly serene and straight forward birthing experience. I had an overnight bag (insert eye-roll here) mostly stuffed with cotton wool, nappies and mini bottles
I’ve been on quite a few different types of holiday in my time. Self catering, holiday parks, city breaks, camping but never on a cruise. At first I thought it might not be ideal for young children, as cruises can
Postpartum hair loss is a legitimate side effect of pregnancy, I didn’t know this the first time around. My hair which is naturally thick anyway, grew particularly luscious throughout and I walked around feeling a bit like Farrah Fawcett –
Well, ok it didn’t suddenly get low. It was low from the beginning and then didn’t move it’s arse up like how all the Ultrasound people said it would. They said that for 95% of cases, where the placenta